A new baby is coming: getting the older child ready

You are thrilled. Your firstborn is about to lose the only job they have ever had: being the baby. How it goes depends a great deal on their age.

Ages one to two

A toddler cannot really understand what a sibling is. They respond to your mood more than to your words.

• Mention the baby often, simply, so the idea becomes familiar.
• Look at picture books about babies and big brothers and sisters.
• After the birth, a small present "from the baby" or a special outing with a relative helps.
• Say it plainly and often: the baby needs a lot of looking after, and I love you just the same.

Ages two to four

This is the hardest age. Old enough to notice everything, too young to wait.

• Tell them at a natural moment: when your body is changing, or while buying things for the baby.
• Expect some going backwards. A child who was dry may have accidents. A child who gave up the bottle may ask for one. This is a request for attention, not a problem to correct. Give the attention and it passes.
• Give them a doll of their own to look after.
• Let them help: choosing clothes, getting the room ready.
• After the birth, set aside time that belongs only to them. A book, a game, however short.
• Ask visitors to greet the older child first and to spend a little time with them.

Five and over

Less threatened, but perfectly able to resent the attention the baby gets.

• Explain what is happening in words they understand.
• Involve them in the preparations.
• Bring them to meet the baby early, and let them hold the baby with you beside them.
• Make time alone with them every day, however short.

Two things for every age

Avoid stacking big changes around the birth. If the cot, the room or the nappies are going to change, do it well before or well after.

And do not expect love on sight. Curiosity is plenty. Jealousy is normal. Your job is not to stop it but to make sure it never gets to be alone with the baby.

If your older child is still very unsettled after several weeks, or is rough with the baby in a way you cannot manage, talk to your pediatrician.